Mixed feelings

A lot has happened over the past few days. We went on a trip to our first hometown in the US - Columbus Ohio. A redeye flight in with an infant and a five year old - I thought it would be hell. But both of them were fantastic. I feel lucky to have kids like them. And boy, was it a vacation! Meeting friends and professors from grad school after five years was priceless. I basked in the love of my wonderful friends, ate yummy food, had my favorite ice cream and pizza, and watched my kids have the time of their lives. The little devil would sleep in one house and wake up in another. She must have been totally disoriented, but she was such a gem throughout. Chinnu had such a good time that she wants to stay in Columbus for five years. She became such good friends with the twins of our hosts that one of them cried inconsolably for a long time after we left.

Back home, the little devil started day care in preparation for my starting work after a break of 3 months. I was worried about how that would go given her stranger anxiety issue. She spent two hours yesterday and was not happy. Today it was 3, and she was smiling and playing when I went to pick her up. I was overjoyed and relieved. After that, we didn't hear a peep out of her the rest of the day at home. She was happy and kept herself engaged - no crying or wanting to be picked up. I was consumed with guilt, pity, and sadness. It's like she is no longer the little devil but a little angel. This is the first time she has been away from her immediate family and my heart is breaking.

Despite all the crap that happened at work, I totally enjoyed my three months of bonding with her. She has brought me such joy and the time off has cleared my head. I am actually happy - that's saying a lot. I am proud of my girls and love them so much.

Today we celebrated Vishu, the Tamil/Malyalam new year. I am usually not one to uphold Indian festivities if it's too much work. Given that we got back in the wee hours of yesterday morning and not having any groceries, Vishu would have been just another day. But Chinnu's love for festivities and celebrations motivated me to celebrate the new year with fruits and vegetables displayed in the traditional "kani". Hubby likes to say that it's the little things in life that matter most - today I feel that's so true.