What is love?

I was thinking about love, marriage and family - what is love? It comes in many different flavors, but by far the type that impacts individuals the most is romantic love. The love of a parent for a child, love of a person for a pet, a sibling, a parent is very different. These types of love lack the heady pasasion that is the hallmark of romantic love. The intense attraction, the chemical reaction that motivates sexual culmination of the relationship, can become a primary force in a person's life. Is this love? Passion does not equal love in my opinion. Passion is intrinsically short-lived. It is a drug. Love in relationships has to be based on something more than passion. Much much more.

Why does our society crave ideality in relationships? i.e., why do we need to convince ourselves that we marry for love? It is love when two single people go through the attraction - marriage cycle. Yet if this happens to a married person, it is heinous. We become judgemental (I have, I must admit). Yet is the mechanism in the two scenarios different? I think not.

When you marry someone, you are committing to keeping your body chemistry on a tight leash. How many crushes we have before we get married. Does maturity cure us of this tendency to be attracted to someone? Apparently not, going by how prevalent extramarital affairs are. Yet, extramarital affairs are devastating, especially with children involved. Most people are aware of the consequenses, yet cannot manage their attraction. Is this strictly chemistry? Is passionnate love like addiction to alcohol? Do we "fall in love" over and over to experience the kick? Why else would people stake everything for something they know will wreck many lives?

How do we learn to love? Emotional intimacy, no sectets, finding other outlets for passion such as intense hobbies, and some passion! Will this overpower body chemistry?

Sucked up in a whirlwind

I want to get back to blogging, now that I have no time at all. A lot has happened since the last entry and now - I got a job, moved all the way from Ohio to California, worked and took care of Chinnu by myself for three months, and got totally frustrated with life. It feels like I've been in a whirlwind and have had no time to savor life.

It bothers me that I am getting angry and upset too easily of late. At times I have felt that I need help to calm down. Life has certainly become more stressful with the responsibilities of my first real job, and settling down in this state that feels like a different country altogether. I have been frustrated at being separated from S for more than three months, not having him around for help and support drove me totally nuts. I was frustrated that he was not there to share my first experiences on the job, I was plagued by guilt about Chinnu spending long hours at the baby-sitter's, and worst of all pitied myself for having to endure such hardship. It has got a lot better now that my mother-in-law is here to help. But I still get terribly angry at times.

How do I feel about this new state of affairs? The grass is always greener on the other side - life as a post-doctoral researcher was uncomplicated, laid-back, but I was frustrated at not having a real job after the years I had spent training to get one. Now that I have a real job in the cut-throat semiconductor industry, I am deeply disappointed with the corporate culture. Deeply deeply disappointed. It seems that everyone I work with grew up in a culture of rudeness, bad communication and attitude. It saddens me to see young people of very good pedigree being groomed to ignore the basic principles of civilized behavior, and disinterested in the quest for knowledge. The primary motivation is not to do a good job, but rather to pass the blame and play power games. And being a woman in a male dominated field is an interesting experience. It appears that some folks did not expect me to survive the so-perceived cut-throatedness, but I have survived it well thanks to my ability to play hard-ball. Nothing about work intimidates me, as was expected. Rather, I have a don't-care attitude of doing what I believe